Calorie Police Out in Full Force

Sometimes, I long for a day where I can eat whatever I want and not even think about it. A day where I am not automatically, even subconsciously, aware of every morsel that has passed my lips. I envy people who have that freedom. The other day, I wanted a piece of See's chocolate. I told myself I could have one, then had one more. Gave myself a taste of freedom; a taste that soon went from sweet to bitter. That 181 calories made me miserable for a while. I did what I usually do, I beat myself up mentally. So many events, and all holidays, revolve around food. That used to make me really miserable, to the point where I would avoid attending functions. I'm better with that now. It's kind of ironic--being in control as an anorexic is what got me in trouble. Now, being in control is what keeps me sane. It's quite tiring at times. But, for now, whatever works...