Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Comfort Item

There are several words/phrases that can be used to describe me. Some that come to mind are: stubborn, dedicated, caring, with a touch of compulsiveness. Finally, there is the phrase "comfort item". Ryan had his "bubbies", and Luke had his "bubby" blanket, but Keira has me. When she is tired, falling asleep, hurt, or angry about something, she immediately turns to me. She will sit on my lap or have me pick her up and hold her. I don't think she even realizes it when she reaches up to cup her hand on my cheek. When she is falling asleep, she likes to move her hand around my face. I've been poked in the eye more than a few times. Oddly, it used to be my upper arm that she would grab onto. I had to laugh once, when the weather had changed, and she got offended that I was wearing long sleeves. "I need your arm skin," she wailed.

It's almost as if she is a soft little animal marking it's territory, with me being the territory. God forbid one of her brothers should sit down next to me, leaving no room for her. Even worse is when Luke climbs onto my lap for a cuddle. Keira will indignantly demand that she be allowed to sit next to/on me.

OK, I will admit that I did help to create this behavior; when she was a baby, she grew accustomed to sleeping in my arms or next to me. In my defense, her dad was working graveyard shift when she was a baby, and I didn't want her crying at night and waking the boys. Also, I knew she was my last baby, and it was hard to let that thought go. Now, though, she continues to want me next to her as she falls asleep, and if she wakes during the night and I am not there, she will storm out of her room to find me. Just the other night, she came out of her room around 10 pm, and asked me what I was doing up. She actually told me I needed to come back to (her) bed.

Sometimes, it is hard not to become annoyed by the hand groping my face in the middle of the night. It's also frustrating when she cannot share me with her brothers without a battle. It can make me feel more like an object than a person. That said, I also wonder how I will feel when this phase ends. She is my "baby" and I love her with all of my heart. It will be a sad day when she doesn't need me like she does now.

No comments:

Post a Comment